| Scorpio blood |
[10/19/05
19:42] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 indescribable |
] |
I really fucked up a lot this week and it's been difficult for me to accept my shortcomings (to those who think I boss people around and demand their absolute best but slack off myself, you're wronger than Jesus ever was. I push myself around a hell of a lot more and force myself to work way harder than lousy old you.) I've been obsessing over them and it worked evil wonders against my running. These three days have been terrifically pathetic running on my part, and I am most ashamed.
I can't even talk about it.
Now I'm just trying to get rid of this tension. Forget it all, get into the zone again, and work my ass off. Forgive myself, just this once, before I destroy myself. The first leniency I've allowed myself in quite the long time.
Part of the problem is that I've just been thinking too much lately. I can credit that to a particular male. Did I not tell you how evil they are? Affection for them only destroys me. As clearly evidenced here.
Though I admit. Not totally his fault. I accept most of the blame for this. I AM PATHETIC. Can't believe I call myself a harrier. Must work HARDER.
Just forget about it, must forget about it...maybe then I'll forget about him, and things will be correct. Hm?
|
|
|
| Mad, sad...and tremendously lonely |
[10/17/05
22:20] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 discontent |
] |
Today was most unsatisfactory, and a day for one to weep mightily. I feel quite horrible at the moment.
Nor did Adolf talk about girls, except on one occasion when he pointed out a young woman in a crowd on Linz's main street. Her name was Stephanie Jansten, Hitler said, adding that she lived not far from him. August turned to look at the girl, noting that she was tall and slim, with thick, fair hair swept up in a coil on top of her head. "You must know that I'm in love with her!" Adolf said, gripping his friend's arm. But he admitted that he had never said a word to her, never even approached her, in fact.
At least Larry seemed to be looking out to greet me today.
|
|
|
| Featherflesh will shriekingly fall |
[10/16/05
0:03] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 chipper |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
AC/DC ;; What's Next to the Moon |
] |
Wow. I did absolutely incredible in today's invitational at Quabbin. As you all know, I ran VARSITY, and was told I'd probably come in sixth in Gardner Girls. Not one to have my fate determined by others, I decided to fuck with their minds and take third. And I wasn't even tired! I was just cruisin' along. The conditions were absolutely horrid, which is why I did so well. I'm made for difficulty. For you non-New Englanders, it's been raining nonstop for a week now (what does the sun look like again?), and it's a thick, heavy downpour kind of rain. So just imagine the course. Just IMAGINE. The starting field was three inches deep in water, it was monstrously awesome to plow through and send up a wake to rival that of a speedboat. Literal rivers were running downhill and everything was pure mud and rocks. Imagine the treachery. My spikes helped a lot, except you can't step on rocks with those things or you'll be sent sprawling to the ground.
At the end, there were four Nashoba girls in front of me as I rounded the last bend to the final 300 meters on the track. Coach yelled at me that I had to catch them, no other way. They were crucial to our victory. I banged around the corner tight and Joey yelled, "Get right up there and ride those girls' asses!" Before he could finish that heartening statement, I propelled myself forward at the speed of a bullet, lowering my head and pumping my arms hard and tight. In seconds, I burst past three of the girls. Only one managed to beat me, and she had the advantage of being in the inside lane. Thanks in large part to me, we beat Nashoba down and came in first in our League.
After the race, millions of people came up to congratulate me, some I didn't even know. To go from sixth to third is a big deal, especially when you're dealing with the big names in the business. One compliment all my praisers had in common was telling me that I was like a beast on the track. Some said they wouldn't want to be up against me, that I was a wild animal! So overall I came in thirty-first. So proud of myself. Coach was even more proud of me, if that's even possible. He and KP call me their "sleeper"; none of the other teams know about me because I wasn't on the team last year due to my injury. Now all of a sudden, there's yet another amazing runner on Gardner, and she's preventing enemy wins left and right! It's a great feeling.
We almost didn't run the race, though! The conditions were that bad. Before we left the school, we were all crowded inside, staring out at the downpour. Coach came up and poked the feathers in my hair, saying, "Let's have a powwow. Do you think we should run today?" "I think so," I said immediately, eager to get out there even though everyone else said it was a bad idea. He just smiled and said, "Well, you're crazy." He always asks me if I'm in pain, cuz I limp sometimes. I always say no, and he immediately says, "I don't believe you." Ahaa. Smart man. He knows me too well. Though the limp has its good points; after a race, when I've whooped almost everyone's asses, they see my limping and think, Wow. I SUCK. A gimp beat me?! A wicked tool of breaking spirits!
KP told us to talk it over about whether we should run or not, so us girls got in a circle and passed around one of Charissa's racing flats. Whoever held the shoe got to speak their piece on why we should or shouldn't run it (the race didn't formally count for anything). Everyone else either said no or half-half, that the conditions were real bad and it wasn't worth risking injury for a nothing race. I was boiling over until it got to my turn, where I launched into a really passionate speech about how if we truly wanted to call ourselves Cross Country runners, we had to go out and run this. We weren't Track, where the conditions never change and you're presented with no challenge. We were harriers, and if we had any intention of continuing to call ourselves that and take pride in doing so, there was no way we could turn this challenge, this test of our mettle, down. The point of Cross Country is to be unsure, to be put in positions of danger. If we were going to pass this up, then we might as well quit altogether.
...Needless to say, after that, we ran.
I love knowing other teams hate us. Cold-bloodedly despise us. That has to be one of the BEST feelings. Ever.
After the race, the Cult had a hangout. (The Cult is a small group of us runners who act insane and crazy.) Me, Heather, Hannah, Helen and Katherine went to eat at Wendy's, where we had a lot of laughs about sweet nothings. I ordered chicken! Then we went to Heather's house and were going to watch The Pacifier (yes, my Vinny! *glares at Joey*), but got distracted by a showing of Grease 2 on TV. Was anyone even aware that there was such a thing? The plot is SO hard to follow and makes no real sense, and the whole movie is so hilariously bad, we couldn't stop laughing. Like Biker Heaven, the fallout shelter scene (romantic bandages??), the drunkard bopping his butt in and out of the pool as he slowly drowned, and the FUNNIEST line in the whole thing...well, I'll let you watch it and find out for yourself.
Oh yes. Zach's doing a lot better. The doctors cut him all up or something, and he was just allowed to leave the house yesterday. He's pretty weak at the moment, but he's doing good. (Coach is his uncle, and I'm his unoffical cousin. How weird.)
|
|
|
| Scalpels, scissors |
[10/14/05
16:58] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 peaceful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Misfits ;; Hate the Living, Love the Dead |
] |
Today was EXCELLENT! One of the best days in a while. Some reasons why:
- Mr. Mack was absolutely smitten by my in-class essay (which I cheated on) regarding three battles of the Revolutionary War. He not only praised me on paper, he personally said that I should be an author when I grow up, cuz I'm that good. I know...just not patient enough.
- Zach brought up how eighth grade Mr. Roche, toughest writing critic ever of 30 years, basically worshipped the ground I walked on and the pen I wrote with.
- Also in that class, we played a trivia game and one of the questions was, "What did ______ mean when he went around in the 1950s accusing people of being Reds?" I almost had a heart attack, especially when we got picked to answer that question. SOVIETS, MAN. Communists! Whee!! *hugs Russia*
- In English, I read one of my sentences and everyone was stunned by how amazingly good it was and the fact that I had written a paragraph opposed to a mere sentence.
- In Music Theory, I got a 100 on my key signature test! THE ONLY ONE! And I'm the only Sophomore in that class; everyone else are upperclassmen. Shows you don't need age to excel in something like music. Mr. Lep asked for someone's test who had gotten most of them right, so he could read off the answers - when I raised my hand, he immediately picked me and smiled. SMILED. Guh. I love music teachers. ♥ And he brought out one of the new sabers for the colorguard and was fooling around with it, sticking it in his belt and swaggering about. Someone said, "Whip it out!" and everyone immediately thought dirty, including him. In a fit of adorableness, he covered his face in embarrassment as he turned bright red and he went and hid against the wall. AWWWWWWWWWW. Love that man.
- Talked to Gene a little in Music Theory. Interesting kid. Real...not what you'd expect.
- Me and Joey did a really weird pose in lunch for the yearbook. When the cameragirl said, "Act crazy!" I paused for a moment, then stuck my leg straight out, which Joey supported and I hung on his arm like a teapot on a hook.
- When I went to the library this morning, the librarian was nowhere around so I was almost late to class waiting for her to show (I had an Adolf book I wanted to check out). She never showed, so I just left with the book. Yay! Now there's no late fees! (And so many delightful pictures in it! *drools*)
- THE LUNCH LADY KNEW WHO I WAS! She said, "Aren't you the girl who always wears a tie?" And I said YES!
- Yesterday after XC practice, I walked by the football team running back into the school, and Larry shouted at me, "Rachel, fastest woman alive!" How true, how true.
- And finally...I'M ON FUCKIN' VARSITY!!!! I rock. After a year-long injury, I am now #5! Big invitational tomorrow, and I. AM. RUNNING. VARSITY.
|
|
|
| Look, the Charles River! |
[10/12/05
17:18] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 chilly |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
crunch crunch crunch crunch |
] |
Today was killer practice. We ran hard, close to a sprint, up Nelson Street (a fairly good hill) five times, went for a 15-minute run, came back and did five more, another 15-minute run, five more and then jogged back to school. Tiring but worth it. Yesterday I was so dead, though; we did a track workout. We had to run at a pace of one lap being 45 seconds. First we did a 200 at that pace, then a 1000, 800, 600 and a 200. Sounds like an fairly easy workout, but it was freezing and raining and there were strong winds that we had to struggle against to hit the correct mark. I felt like my ribcage was going to explode after the 800. My heart was killing me and no matter how I stood or leant over, it ached insatiably, feeling as if it had suddenly swelled to gigantic proportions and was trying to escape my ribcage. I got a really bad headache, too, but luckily I didn't get sick like Charissa. She puked from the extremity.
I wrote some really hilarious fake articles for the colonial newspaper we're doing in class. Well, actually, it was due today, but me, Jamie and Cassandra failed in that respect. I hope Mr. Mack will accept it tomorrow. Even if he doesn't, I'll still make him read it. It's too good to pass up. I'll post my works of art here later.
And...I just dropped a pretzel, and I don't know where it went.
Today was Rachel Appreciation Day! Whoever that is. All my runningmates ran with their hair down, like I do. They couldn't stand the constant mayhem it causes, however, and put it up in a short time. Muh meh.
|
|
|
| And in retrospect, I'll say we've done no wrong |
[10/10/05
1:55] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
VNV Nation ;; End of Days |
] |
I've just gotten hooked on a computer game someone gave me for my birthday a couple years ago, but never touched until last night. It's called Baldur's Gate II - Shadows of Amn. And how AMAZINGLY awesome it is! Otherworldly medieval role-playing, operating on the hellacious Dungeons & Dragons system of combat. Anyone here actually played D&D, or is that too far in to the violence-obsessed, fantasy dorkland for you lot? I was the Dungeonmaster! (Will, you never did see that movie. Pansy.)
In Shadows of Amn, you control a party consisting of warriors, mages, thieves and the like through this land of beasts and glory. In the beginning you make your own character who ends up being the party leader. My character, named Sklar, is a female half-orc taking up faith in the Alignment of Chaotic Neutral, which basically means you're highly unpredictable and capable of cruel things. The game described it as the Alignment for "insane madmen". And my profession is Berserker, little better than that of unrestrained and wild Barbarians. Berserkers have the same violent Bloodlust and insane combat surges, except they have just a bit more refined warrior training. Her voice is a gutteral roar. I thought Sklar summed me up rather well.
There's even a character that I didn't design but according to the plot is best friends with mine. Her name is Imoen, and she reminds me well enough of Will. She's a Thief, lithe and not as in-tune with the combat and dark dungeon we're trying to escape at the moment. Frequently she'll say something and then begin reminiscing on better times, saying she wished we were free of the dark's restraints so she could see light again, no more of senseless death. In response, I usually grunt something horribly masochistic, such as when we happened upon this pitiful, crumpled body of a man long since dead but held in painful stand-by in a tank by our captor. When I removed the crystals that powered the tank and freed him from his witless existence, Will, er, Imoen, lamented that she has seen death on the battlefield before, but to watch that time-ravaged shell of a man pass on... To shut up her musings, I turned my back and said gruffly, "Another dead body left in my wake. Nothing unusual about that. Let's go." Imoen paused for a moment more, softly breathing, "Death is a beauty...oh, why do I think this! Sklar, we must leave this prison." Well, duh.
(I like the relations in this game and Sklar so much, I might write some pieces on them, or invent something entirely for Sklar.)
|
|
|
| Tiefer! |
[10/7/05
17:15] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Rammstein ;; Rein Raus (live) |
] |
Ah, the seventh. A glorious day.
Race was pretty easy yesterday, though I was still pretty worn from Monday's scare. The pack fell apart with about 100 yards between each of us, one behind the other, 'stead o' tight, like our trademark. Everyone was wiped still, and we were running sloppy. Elbowing, stepping on each other's heels, taking wide corners. I was 8 seconds slower than my last time. Ech. Chalk it all up to experience and push on.
Saw your grandma there, Will! Kid named Jordan on the team, apparently he's a grandson of hers. Popcorn balls are savory.
And now...now I am quite exhausted. Football game tonight, home. Not going. Got my new sweats, they're quite professional-looking. Got on better terms with Rose, party will be FUN. Yore mutter talked to yore grandmutter about going down this 22nd, Will, so it's pretty much definite.
Did you know...half the reason I became so interested in WWII was after I read German propaganda from that time, but didn't know it was propaganda? And it was so well-written, thought-out and clever, I never suspected it to be false. Even growing up my entire life with people telling me Hitler was evil, after I read that pamphlet, I was completely for the Nazis and thought we had murdered an innocent man. In TEN MINUTES time. Powerful, powerful stuff, powerful, powerful minds. As such is why I am in awe of them and respect them highly.
Able to convert MY thinking, that's a feat!
|
|
|
| The Amazing, Superb, Born Athlete Gimp |
[10/5/05
19:13] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Faint ;; Desperate Guys |
] |
Echelon
Halfday today and most of the girls must've gone to practice directly afterschool, while I opted for coming back at 2. I was the only femme there, along with three of the guys. I did an easy jog, few backstops, just very easy workout for very hard race tomorrow. Trying to satiate the pulled muscle in the back of my right leg as much as possible, because it'll surely be pounded into the ground come tomorrow. Mm, pain. I LOVE IT.
The football team was practicing. I love running by them. Showing off. Imagining their envy. :D I'm sure you guys know by now how much of a narcissist I am. BUT WITH GOOD CAUSE!
( GET PUMPED 8-0 )
|
|
|
| Achieve anything |
[10/3/05
22:19] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Oomph! ;; Augen Auf |
] |
All that heartache and long hours of psyching myself really paid off - I did FANTASTIC in the race! I'm truly beginning to show glimmers of my old magnificence. The entire race I managed to stay with the top pack, focusing not on the watery feel of my pounding feet that reminded me of crescent rolls and sardines (for whatever reason), but just on the violent urge to emerge victorious. It was so empowering to be back up there again, everyone breathing heavy and kicking up pebbles. Just amazing.
The pack was at first 6, I believe, then it was 5 when we emerged from the forest (I counted the long, straining shadows thrown across the pavement), then by the time we tackled the road hill and shot back into the forest, it was down to three - me, Heather and Nikki. We sprinted the entire last part of the race, a half mile at least. It must have been incredible to witness, three aching, pushed-to-the-limit beasts shoot out of the woods and sprint even harder the last paved distance, heatedly neck-in-neck. At the very last moment, I pulled ahead of Heather and secured fifth, but the girl handing out the sticks messed up and give Heather fifth and me sixth. I didn't complain, however; Heather has done so much for me and boosted my confidence the entire year. She definitely deserved that place. Means I had to give up third place in Gardner Girls, but a sacrifice I was willing to make.
...Do I need to say it? I'M BACK.
I hate to use these girls as stepping stones, but nothing's stopping me now and each of my teammates are just another rung in the ladder which I will overcome and shine far above, reclaiming that position with Katie that I long for so badly, with all my heart. I feel inexplicable when I run with Katie, we are equally matched in spirit...
|
|
|
| Maximus Decimus Meridious |
[9/29/05
23:10] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 achy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Wolfsheim ;; I Don't Love You Anymore |
] |
I spent all last night psyching myself up for today's meet. It was going to be our toughest yet, against the incredible team of Westboro, with two of our top seven runners out of the mix. Leah has a stress fracture in her foot and Kathryn had some kind of leg problem, keeping them out of the race. I was going to be needed to win this race and keep up our undefeated score. I, most amusingly, seem to have pulled a butt muscle, probably from looking behind me at that last meet. Stupid stupid stupid. It hurts when I run, but nothing I can't overcome, especially if I run real fast and pound my senses into oblivion.
So last night I closed my door, stuffed a blanket underneath the crack, drew shut the curtains and removed all light from my room. Then I laid on the floor with my butt almost against the wall and propped my feet straight up. This helps to get them feeling better. I put a heating pad under my butt and put on my headphones, listening to a variety of R+ songs to pump me up. From the angry (Feuer Frei!, Stein Um Stein) to the hauntingly beautiful (Sonne, Schtiel), I would alternate every once in a while to putting my legs down and icing the knees, and switching the hot pad under my butt for an ice pack. Hot, cold, hot, cold.
As I did this, I erased my thoughts and closed my eyes, my breathing becoming deep and steady as I ridded myself of unneccesary thinking, fear and pain. I was to the point where there was nothing within me and I felt nothing but the solemn beat of my heart, feeling every vein in my form expand and contract, throbbing. Once muffled, the rush of blood now overcame me and rang in my mind, echoing. Then a single word sparked in my brain: kill.
This all helped tremendously to prep myself for this race of many painful turning points, but alas, it never came to fruition as it was canceled today due to incredibly bad weather, which included freezing sheets of ice-rain and 50 mile-per-hour winds.
|
|
|
| A Red Army for a red future |
[9/26/05
22:55] |
|
A gloomy look cast into the war council room returned the same view: among the drab tapestries of heartache and hopelessness sat he, staring blindly down at the city plan of Berlin, hardly shifting in the despair that had settled like a fine dust throughout the bunker. Exactly like the same fine dust that had worried its way into the underground compartments that very night, rotten whispers of the Marching Death so full of promise, they solidified and fell to the floor, shattering and littering this death trap with early casualties. The dust had come from earth and building alike, blown apart by the nearing cannon. Kasch knelt and rubbed the gritty trash between his gloved fingers, accepting with numb anticipation the fact that his body and those of all the others trapped in this accursed bunker would be the next target for the merciless Russian guns.
|
|
|
| Sweetpea Shemale |
[9/25/05
0:57] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
System of a Down ;; BYOB |
] |
Band hangout earlier. We ran through Moskau, which is sounding better than ever, though Rage had some school band thing to go to so she couldn't come. Siiiigh. And we did TNT, but I kept screwing it up, despite its utter simplicity and the amount I listen to it. One thing about that song - every SINGLE time I play it, one of my strings break. The first time, it was the first string, the skinniest one, so it's understandable for it to snap. I put new ones on, and the very next day, it broke again! Today I broke a much thicker string, however: my fifth string. The second thickest one. Quite the accomplishment!
We walked down to the music store to see if they had good sheet music around. Nope. But they had this wicked awesome guitar strap that looked like a seatbelt and even had the button to press to open it! So awesome. They had a rainbow one I wanted, too... The guy at the counter named Nick talked to us a lot cuz there wasn't anyone around to serve. He offered to let us record in his studio that he's building in his barn. He has some sweet equipment. It was amazing as he carelessly rattled off $30,000 worth. But he's an ordinary Joe like us, not some rich kid, so it was real cool. He was the same guy who let me see his SG in the summer! And I didn't even realize this; it was him who pointed it out. He remembered me! Squee!
Then us four went to Burger King and then home, where, as we were practicing, two annoying kids that apparently Mike and Nate hate (and Nate called them to explicitly say not to come by) were spying on us through the window on the side of the house. How lame is that? They yelled stuff and ran back and forth from the window to the bushes, laughing like girls, until Aaron noticed them. Then it was, Quick! Put your guitar down so we can go whale on their asses! I kept stumbling over myself in my excitement. But they didn't start anything. I was more than disappointed.
And lastly - I went on a run for about an hour and 20 minutes, and halfway through I REALLY had to crap. So bad I considered running into some woods and going there, but I was on the streets and the closest forest was Dunns Park. So I ran to the school and scaled the 8-foot chainlink fence around the track quickly, dashing into a Porta Potty. Then, since I was there, I ran a few laps and sprinted a 200, then did bleachers. But by then the sun was already gone behind the trees and only the afterlight remained, and it was getting hard to see, so I went back over the fence and ran home. Running in the night is my LIFE, man!
|
|
|
| No Man's Land |
[9/23/05
22:06] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 lover of the apple cider |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
AC/DC ;; Meanstreak |
] |
WARNING: LONG ENTRY.
Ugggh. So busy. Yesterday we had a meet at Nashoba which we just barely won by a single point, almost ending our record-breaking winning streak. This is the best girls XC team at Gardner High since 1975. Back then, their all-time high was 7-1. Right now, we're 5-0, with a meet coming at on Monday against Murdock. We'll take 'em, no problem.
Back to Nashoba. Their course was a one-mile lap which you ran three times, and I swear, it was picture-perfect. If you were to film a whimsical romance film, that would be the place to do it. Sun-baked rolling fields of tall, swaying grass with a little path hidden among it. Gnarled flower trees/bushes curling above the path, creating a cool, shady boulevard. A peaceful, sparkling blue pond. And no sign of civilization. Despite its picturesque qualities, though, it was fraught with hidden stones and roots that tripped you up and twisted your ankles repeatedly.
Me and Leah stayed neck-in-neck for most of the race, working off of each other. A small band of Nashoba girls stayed in front of us, swerving from side to side so we couldn't possibly pass them. On the third lap, when we were quite tired of this, one of the girls stopped, yanked her shoes off and cut sharply in front of me so I almost tripped over her, then continued to swerve side to side like a bastard. I just wanted to hook a good one right under her chin. At the end, I was mentally screaming at myself to step it up, step it up, that this was the Army and those girls were al Qaeda. "Get fuckin' up there and put a fuckin' bullet in her fuckin' terrorist head!" Fuck fuck fuck. Yes, you must be violent to compete. At the end, she was about 300 meters away from me, then I put to use my renowned kick (yes, I'm known for this) and managed to eat up 200 meters in less than 14 seconds to almost pass her right before the finish line, but some fucker on the sidelines warned her there was some demon coming up fast on her flank and she halfheartedly sprinted it over the line before I could overtake her ass. DAMNITALL.
Such a bitter loss for me, I felt tears of fury and anger at myself budding in my eyes, but I swallowed them painfully, refusing to acknowledge the lowly position of twelfth. I am DETERMINED to come in the top ten next meet, and I will if it KILLS me. Some say I'm too hard on myself after such a short period of being uncrippled. What the hell do they know. It was a good bonding time with Leah, though; nothing seals a companionship like shared mud, sweat and blood. I think she's awesome. She's a rough and tumble horse rider and ice hockey player with a delightfully dirty mouth and a fierce fire. We had some laughs after that, especially after the Nashoba coach said the girl had "lost" her shoes, not purposefully taken them off. What. The. Fuck.
Probably the best thing about that race was that Zack and Steve came over to all us girls who were quite angry at ourselves (no one had fared well; Jenna fell five times), and offered their support. Zack with a shoulder grip, playful Steve with a hug. Good to have a pack. Good indeed.
Then I came home and did homework 'til 12:30. Today I was remarkably lively for the hectic and draining schedule. XC practice, we ran an easy 40 minutes at the Mount. We girls played the "Who Would You Rather?" game, not realizing that the boys weren't more than 400 meters behind us. I laughed so hard at that. And later, when the girls and boys happened to run past each other in the fields, we yelled out who we would fuck, and they (running in front of us), in reponse dropped trou and ran like that for a long time so we could all see their pale white arses. It was so hysterically funny, I do believe I almost died.
And today, I got some sweet new XC running flats! They're so unbelievably light and of such little material (but quite sturdy) that you feel barefoot. And they come with removable spikes, depending on the terrain I'll be tackling. The spikes will come in great use for Districts, which we run on our golf course. The shoes are so fucking awesome though, with snow camo pattern and orange and black bottoms and the Nike swoosh. Black + Orange = Gardner colors.
|
|
|
| Kuss und Kerzen |
[9/21/05
22:34] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Rammstein ;; Amour |
] |
We did a sort of high-knees-and-fast-touching-feet-to-ground-so-they-won't-mush-out thing up Reservoir Hill 5 times two days ago. When we went downhill, we walked backwards to reduce the stress on our already fraying calfs. It was painful, and still hurt like hell yesterday, and today too, but tonight I filled my tub with ice cold water and threw all the ice cubes we had into it and laid in there for 45 minutes to make them feel better for my meet tomorrow. I just laid there, jerking occasionally from the cold and singing up and down the scale for the test in Music Theory tomorrow.
I think I'm possibly the only R+ fan who took their music video for Benzin seriously. Everyone else laughed... I didn't even chuckle. NARY A CHORTLE. They have a freakish obsession with killing off Flake in their videos. Ohne Dich always makes me cry. In the way that there are no tears, but...it's still crying. DEAL WITH IT. Sometimes. Sometimes there are tears. 'Specially after that video.
And speaking of R+, the cover art for their new album Rosenrot is something they used already! It's the artwork that was on the Japanese version of Reise, Reise. All they edited in it was on the side of the ship, they put 'Rosenrot' instead of their logo, and there are two small people standing at the base. Did they think we wouldn't notice? (Though I'm really excited to see them try to release that in Japan!)
( Before...and the same? )
|
|
|
| Flake is? I'm serious |
[9/19/05
21:21] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 ecstatic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Feeling B ;; Kim Wilde |
] |
Mr. Richards, my guidance counselor, called me down to his office today to tell me my class rank and talk about the future. At the moment, I'm #39 in a class of 280. WOOO! Hell, and I only ever took one Honors class. Then he asked me if I had any plans for after high school, and I nodded. He was surprised and said I was one of the few. When I told him I was considering the Army, he seemed blown away. "What are you joining for?" he asked. I stared at him, utterly perplexed by the obviousness of his question. I stuttered for a moment or two, nothing short of dumbfounded, before bursting out perhaps a bit too forcibly, "To fight!" (Only in hindsight now do I realize he was probably looking for the answer of free college tuition or something, but nothing of the like even slightly occurred to me. Nothing except warring for the sake of warring.)
He seemed further impressed/shocked when I went on to tell him that I wasn't looking into the Air Force, or the Navy, or even the Marines, just the plain old Army, pure and simple. "Wow," he smiled almost dreamily at the idea, "ground hand-to-hand combat." He then proceeded to inquire if I was a female version of Rambo. My reasons for heading to the battlefield are not to protect the American flag, as I am actually very much in doubt of our country at the moment and am suffering severe withdrawal of my faith in the Red, White and Blue. The matter simply is, I'm lucky enough to be a warrior alive during a war, so it is up to me to do my duty!
But it really got me thinking: after my service is paid in full, what then? Head to college on the free ride from the military? What subjects would I take? Certainly some music classes, perhaps A/V courses, most definitely History classes, especially those relating to my favorite study, the Third Reich, a class to learn how to speak German... I am, for once, looking favorably upon college. Especially since now I've finally committed myself to the idea of the service. For years the question of whether to join or not has tormented me. I feel really, REALLY good now, and stronger than ever for my choice. Plus, I know I'll have a girl to come home to, no matter if I'm weighed under ammo and guns or books and study guides. Wiiiiink.
Will, I'm so excited for our future. Talk to me! What are looking forward to experiencing? I, personally, cannot wait for crazy hours spent at bars which we'll no doubt get kicked out of, going to concerts, exploring the world, Lockjaw, ADOPTING CHILDREN (well, not right away), taking the kids to school and freaking the teachers out, HIGH SCHOOL REUNIONS, writing stories together, going naughty-item shopping and giving them to Swann and Rage so they get heart attacks, cowering under Joey's sure-to-be impressive height...
|
|
|
| Perfect little lady |
[9/19/05
0:14] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 highly amused |
] |
Googlism.com. I love that place. What you do is you put in your name or someone else's and it searches Google for sentence fragments containing that name. It is HILARIOUS. Just look at all the fun I had!
( Tinguke )
|
|
|
| Hear, hear |
[9/17/05
23:49] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Rammstein ;; Sehnsucht |
] |
I'm really pissed that my state, Massachusetts, is deciding to remove legal gay marriage. They're taking down the law then submitting it to the public to vote on whether it should be allowed or not. And since I'm surrounded by self-centered, egotistical, ignorant Bible beaters, freedom is going to get shot down in flames.
And the worst thing is, I found out that Rage and Swann agree with destroying gay marriage. Well, not that surprising. I am really angry about this, but I'm on a constant stream of R+ pictures to numb my violent temper.
|
|
|
| It's not on me to turn the fate |
[9/17/05
16:22] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
neutral |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Funker Vogt ;; Tragic Hero |
] |
Don't you find it completely degrading when you're out on a run in the streets and people do the wolf whistle? It's an insult, as if I'm just a piece of meat rather than a dedicated athlete. Next time someone does that...well, I'll write about what I'll do when it happens. Probably tomorrow, knowing the horny fuckers in my town.
Slept over Swann's last night with Rage. I was wearing my awesome Mein Teil shirt and accidentally leaned against a chair that had a shirt with wet paint on it flung over the back. It got all over the back of my shirt (that I paid $80 to get along with one other all the way from Berlin - you can understand why I was UPSET) and I panicked, immediately stripping it off and running around, yelling for help. Swann gave me some spraying stuff and after long minutes of furious scrubbing under cold water, I managed to save it. :3 FWEE!
I like walking around in just a bra.
Walking home a few days ago, I saw the black POW MIA flag overlapping the American flag, covering the blue starry part. So only the red and white stripes could be seen around it, looking like blood streaming from the black one. It was highly ironic and highly symbolic. I stopped and stared, admiring the sight. The black flag has fascinated me since infancy and I've always been instilled to study it whenever I see it, no matter how often I encounter it. Observing that sight, listening to Funker Vogt's 'Date of Expiration', I made a decision.
I am going to join the Army.
|
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
axismedic's journal